Stepping back into myself

Six months.

It has been almost six months to the day since I last posted in this space. Things happen very quickly and very slowly at the same time.  I can’t really explain that. I just know that in the past six months there have been deaths of loved ones, as well as news of pending births. There has been A LOT of snow and cold–more in one season than I ever remember having before. Friends have moved away and resettled in other places. There have been breakups and marriages and drama over silly things that I’ve watched from a distance (because Felix don’t do drama)…

And yet here I remain. Something is different though. The slow, deliberate moves I have made  in this journey seem to have brought me back to where I began. Steeped in need…yearning for freedom…looking out onto the playground while others play without me. Damn that doesn’t sound promising at all, does it? But at the same time I don’t think I’ve ever felt more certain and ready.

I’ll be 43 this summer. My dad died when he was 44. It’s a morbid thought, although one I have often lately:  

If I only had one more year on this earth, how could I make it an incredible one?


About Felix Jay

I am Felix Jay, and I am gay as hell. Unfortunately, embracing this reality came after a 23-year relationship with a man, which included 12 years of marriage, and two children. This blog follows my journey to live my truth for the first time in my life, without devastating my family and losing my sanity in the process. Fully honest...completely authentic...and finally Felix.
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