This journey of mine has revealed many things that I was not expecting. Things about myself mostly, but also things about others that came as a surprise. The fact is, no matter how long you know someone, you really never know how they are going to react when you jar them out of their safe place. Then suddenly, that sedated, dignified person you’ve known for 10 to 20 odd years is looking at you sideways. Like, Why are you coming around here changing up stuff when we were so normal and happy before?
Who was happy?
I don’t know that I ever was.
Some people are fine, floating along forever as long as there are no ripples in the water. Their little stream could flow through war zones, past lands of grief and despair, through jungles of unimaginable happiness or mountains of pure ecstasy…but as long as their little boat keeps moving, and none of that other nonsense tries to climb aboard, they’re OK. They don’t want change. They’ll do their day-to-day routine and be perfectly happy forever. And that’s fine.
But then along comes some crazy bitch who suddenly decides that she wants to be a lesbian and all hell breaks loose.
It’s no fun being the person to upset a floaters little boat. Kicking up waves and splashing around like a maniac when all they want to do is sail gently into nothingness. Meanwhile I’m doggy paddling toward the shores of insanity, and I can’t wait to get there. Sorry about that. It’s not that I’m trying to kill your joy.
But if I don’t get off this fucking boat soon I am going to wither and die.