Why I would not wish this situation on my worst enemy

There is nothing cool or trendy about coming out later in life; especially when you’ve already established a life…complete with children a husband and a stable, settled home.

It’s one thing to stand on the edge of a precipice and ready yourself to jump in.</p

It’s another thing to know that you have 3 other people tied to you, and when you jump, they’re coming with you.

I get into my confident, super-woman modes when I’m ready to leap because I know it’s the right thing to do. Days like that are nice.

And then, there are days like today. A lack of sunshine must lead to a lack of resolve in me. Where I was brick wall a few weeks ago, I am a Jell-O today. Beautifully molded and standing on my own, but quivering with uncertainty and fear. I hate feeling like this. It may be normal, but it’s the worst part of this process.

Nothing takes away the sting of hurting someone you’ve cared for over a lifetime. There is little that will soothe the guilt of knowing that everything in your children’s life is about to change because of something inside of you. Something you cannot control.

If I could stop everything and simply be the average wife to his man, I would do it in a minute. It’s not that I don’t want to. I am not capable of doing it. I’m gay. It’s a simple as that.

Except it’s not simple at all.


About Felix Jay

I am Felix Jay, and I am gay as hell. Unfortunately, embracing this reality came after a 23-year relationship with a man, which included 12 years of marriage, and two children. This blog follows my journey to live my truth for the first time in my life, without devastating my family and losing my sanity in the process. Fully honest...completely authentic...and finally Felix.
This entry was posted in coming out, confidence, depression, Lesbian married to man. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Why I would not wish this situation on my worst enemy

  1. Aleia says:

    Many, many hugs. You CAN do this. This experience wouldn't come to you unless it was necessary for your growth and transformation. You GOT THIS!!!


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