Another step–coming out to my daughter

finallyfelix_coming-out-flowerSo…I came out to my daughter this week.

Holy shit.


Writing it all big and gay like that is actually me screaming in my head (and giggling a little bit after). This is something I had decided to do weeks ago. She’s not a baby, and she deserves to know what’s happening in her mother’s life. After all, these steps I’m taking are going to impact her, too.

So I walked home from the train last Wednesday night, amping myself up the entire time. It was cold and starting to drizzle, but I barely noticed.

Each step became a mantra, You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

Every breath was a small motivation, Look how far you’ve come already. Look at all you’ve been through. You are so much stronger now. You’re strong as fuck! This is just another step in the journey. It’s exactly where you need to be. It has to be done. 

I mantra-ed and motivated myself the entire way home.

When I walked into my daughter’s room,  I made small talk for a few moments and almost walked out. Almost. But I didn’t. Instead, I took deep breath and told my oldest child that her mother is gay. I also told her that I was incredibly proud of her for being independent and free-thinking at her age, because I was so NOT that way when I was 23.

At 23, my concern was to do what everyone else wanted. I did  what was expected because I was a good girl and wanted everyone to be happy. I was not happy. And would not be for a very long time. I wanted her to know how important it was for her, as a young single woman,  to never sacrifice any part of herself for the expectations of others.

Her response? “OK”

Me: Really? Uhh, OK. Do you want to ask me any questions?

Her:  Are you dating [insert name of the love of my life here]?

Me: We’re not dating. But I like her a lot. I like her..A LOT, a lot. She’s very special to me.

Her: OK

And that was essentially it. I know she’s a thinker, so I told her that she should never hesitate to come to me with questions or just to talk about this…or anything. At this point, I’m an open book. Ask me anything, boo!

Yes, I still  have a few big things to tackle in what I know is the final leg of this journey, but I actually feel like I’m Standing in Real Truth for the first time.


About Felix Jay

I am Felix Jay, and I am gay as hell. Unfortunately, embracing this reality came after a 23-year relationship with a man, which included 12 years of marriage, and two children. This blog follows my journey to live my truth for the first time in my life, without devastating my family and losing my sanity in the process. Fully honest...completely authentic...and finally Felix.
This entry was posted in coming out, family, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Another step–coming out to my daughter

  1. supadupaq says:

    I know I’m late on this, but CONGRATS for coming out to your daughter! That is an amazing accomplishment. I couldn’t even imagine the amount of courage that took to tell her. It was incredibly hard to tell my mom, but she dug it out of me. Even though we’ve never met, I am so very proud of you. You are such a role-model for other moms out there. I have yet to hear any child not accepting their mother after pulling those walls down. You Rock!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s