So…I came out to my daughter this week.
I CAME OUT TO MY
DAUGHTER THIS WEEK!!!!
Writing it all big and gay like that is actually me screaming in my head (and giggling a little bit after). This is something I had decided to do weeks ago. She’s not a baby, and she deserves to know what’s happening in her mother’s life. After all, these steps I’m taking are going to impact her, too.
So I walked home from the train last Wednesday night, amping myself up the entire time. It was cold and starting to drizzle, but I barely noticed.
Each step became a mantra, You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.
Every breath was a small motivation, Look how far you’ve come already. Look at all you’ve been through. You are so much stronger now. You’re strong as fuck! This is just another step in the journey. It’s exactly where you need to be. It has to be done.
I mantra-ed and motivated myself the entire way home.
When I walked into my daughter’s room, I made small talk for a few moments and almost walked out. Almost. But I didn’t. Instead, I took deep breath and told my oldest child that her mother is gay. I also told her that I was incredibly proud of her for being independent and free-thinking at her age, because I was so NOT that way when I was 23.
At 23, my concern was to do what everyone else wanted. I did what was expected because I was a good girl and wanted everyone to be happy. I was not happy. And would not be for a very long time. I wanted her to know how important it was for her, as a young single woman, to never sacrifice any part of herself for the expectations of others.
Her response? “OK”
Me: Really? Uhh, OK. Do you want to ask me any questions?
Her: Are you dating [insert name of the love of my life here]?
Me: We’re not dating. But I like her a lot. I like her..A LOT, a lot. She’s very special to me.
And that was essentially it. I know she’s a thinker, so I told her that she should never hesitate to come to me with questions or just to talk about this…or anything. At this point, I’m an open book. Ask me anything, boo!
Yes, I still have a few big things to tackle in what I know is the final leg of this journey, but I actually feel like I’m Standing in Real Truth for the first time.