Words

FF Flower March 17I do words for a living.

My job is to put words together to get people to take action. I’m the one who entices them to Buy Now or Learn More or Hurry and get up on this limited-time offer before your slow ass misses out.

For the most part, words come easily to me, and I have tremendous respect for the power they hold, be it through storytelling, music, poetry, and yes, marketing copy.

That power is amplified for words spoken in anger. I’ve expressed some of that here about things said to me, but I’m also very guilty of piecing together sharp sentences, serrated and laced with venom to hurl at people I care about… just to see them flinch. That kind of language can leave a scar that may never go away. This might explain why it has taken me so long to gather the right words to tell my soon-to-be ex husband that I’m leaving.

In my mind, it’s a done deal, for real. I’m out… already found a place… my stuff is on the low packed…I’m halfway out the door. But when the time comes to simply say “I’m filing for divorce and moving out. We need to tell the kids,” the words catch in my throat. I’ve stressed more about finding the right way to say these things than anything else.

I do understand that there are no “right words” for this. And no matter how I juggle my nouns or twist my adjectives and verbs, there’s no way to soften this for him.

The pep talk in my head is all, Just say it, Felix. Yank off the band-aid! While the hesitation in my heart know that it will hurt him, a lot — even though he knows it’s coming. We’re all grown ups here. Love and loss is part of the game.

Praying my next post is telling you how it went that we are both still standing and moving forward.

 

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About Felix Jay

I am Felix Jay, and I am gay as hell. Unfortunately, embracing this reality came after a 23-year relationship with a man, which included 12 years of marriage, and two children. This blog follows my journey to live my truth for the first time in my life, without devastating my family and losing my sanity in the process. Fully honest...completely authentic...and finally Felix.
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