A look back…and ahead

finallyfelix_self loveI started Finally Felix back in 2013.

Looking back through my old posts, I’m amazed at how much has changed over the years. How much I’ve changed.

The journey from 2013 to now has taken me to depths so dark and lonely, I don’t know how I was able to climb out. At the same time, I’ve experienced levels of joy that I didn’t even know were possible. And surprisingly,  I’ve discovered new parts of myself that were sometimes great…and sometimes made me cringe. Despite that, I’ve enjoyed getting to know this complex woman developing in the mirror before my eyes.

And yes, I’m in divorce talks with my husband, I’m moving into my own place in a few weeks, and I’ve finally traveled beyond the fear that held me hostage most of my life … but I’m still not at the end of this. I’ve got children to mange through this transition, a frustrated soon-to-be ex, and a huge life change that is looming before me like a giant wave … but dammit, this space feels so fucking amazing!

If you are coming to this blog early in your own journey, please don’t be deterred by what can sometimes feel like an unattainable goal. Because, there were absolutely times when I felt like there was no end to this. Moments of guilt,  pain and doubt  that left me broken … do you hear me? BROKEN! But please know that even if it feels like you’re standing still … you ARE still moving.  Shifting your whole life takes time; be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to mourn what you’re leaving behind and to celebrate what lies ahead. And whatever you do, do not stop moving … even if it feels like you’re only creeping along by centimeters, it’s still movement, it’s still getting you closer to where you need to be … don’t ever stop.

 

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About Felix Jay

I am Felix Jay, and I am gay as hell. Unfortunately, embracing this reality came after a 23-year relationship with a man, which included 12 years of marriage, and two children. This blog follows my journey to live my truth for the first time in my life, without devastating my family and losing my sanity in the process. Fully honest...completely authentic...and finally Felix.
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2 Responses to A look back…and ahead

  1. Leslie says:

    So wonderful to see you taking charge of your life and living the true you. The journey will continue and you will continue to grow. Keep it up! Know that your purpose is coming clear and that your beauty and journey inspires! The. Eat always!

    Like

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